Sunday, April 02, 2006

Experience with light


I was walking out of my garage the other day, and as I stumbled my way through the narrow passage (filled with clutter) leading out to the black night, I could see nothing at all. I stumbled into the door blindly, feeling for the door handle.

But as I came back in, I saw a tiny sliver of light from around the crack of the inside door, spilling out from the light within. My way was illuminated – not enough to see clearly, but enough to find the door. When the light was behind me, it was not enough to light my path. But when I turned to face it, it was enough to guide me home.

If we focus on the dark (or the things we don’t know or the things we fear), while turning our back on the light (the things we do know), we don’t have enough to guide us, and we will stumble through in total darkness, even though there is light to be had. However, if we focus on the light, we have enough to guide us.

Do I think we are meant to stumble around in the dark, with only a sliver of light to guide us? No. Do I think that we are meant to just ignore the questions we have? No. I think God wants to shed light on all knowledge, all truth, answer all questions. So why does he let us stumble around in the dark, when we so desire light and knowledge? Why did God allow his perfect, most loving Son to feel alone enough to cry out “Why hast thou forsaken me?”

I come back to these truths and hold onto them – they get me through this night:

1: God’s ways are not my ways. Which is for me to say, “God’s ways are what my ways would be if I could be like God, if I could see as God sees, and comprehend as God comprehends.”

2: The scriptures talk about God’s purposes being to bring us back to him, and to make us more like him. Sometimes this path is hard. It seems to be harder the further along that path you get (look at all the greatest disciples in the scriptures – the Savior, Abraham, Paul to name only a few – they all seem to have suffered more than I ever have). This tells me that some kinds of pain, darkness, doubt bring a growth that light, answers, and ease do not.

I have witnessed this. I have come to appreciate some of the darkest times in my life (in hindsight) as times of learning, growth, change, humility, and faith. But only because I continued to seek God. I think that if I had ever given in or given up, those times would have been for my destruction instead of growth.

I guess in his wisdom, he recognizes that, although he wants us to know him fully, it will come in a process of time, growth, and great personal struggle. We must trust that he knows what we need and what we can handle, and the right time and season for everything.

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